I can give you 2050 reasons why not to watch this disaster.

Grade: F

Love Story 2050

Indian Release Date: 04/07/08 (Cursed)
CBFC Classification:  U/A (Should have been N.A. – No Admission)
Running Length: 3 Hours (of Pure Torture)

Cast: Harman Baweja, Priyanka Chopra, Boman Irani, Dalip Tahil, Archana Puran Singh
Director (of Disasters!!!): Harry Baweja
Associate Director (One was more than enough!!!): Rowena Baweja
Screenplay (The dog ate it & died of script poisoning!!!): Harry Baweja & Rowena Baweja
Dialogues (Priceless Pearls of Wisdom): Mayur Puri
Cinematography: Vijay Kumar Arora
Music: Anu Malik
Original (Only a little “inspiration” here & there!!!) Background Score: Monty Sharma

One cursed day Baby Baweja having watched Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai ran home & booked himself a place in the history books;

Baby Baweja: Papa! Papa!! Mujhe bhi Hrithik jaise bannaa hai. Muhje bhi acting karni hai aur dance bhi aur Australia bhi jana hai aur dishoom dishoom fighting bhi papa.

Papa Baweja: Paisa Kya Tera Baap Dega!!!

Baby Baweja:  Mummyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

Mummy Baweja: Arre de do naa, kabhi naa kabhi toh launch karna hi hai isse. Mai bhi ghar mein bore ho jaati hoon, main produce karoongi aur apni beti Rowena script likhegi aur direction-virection bhi kar legi. Bada Mazaa ayegaa ji.

Papa Baweja: Zindagi mein kabhi direction kiya hai? Script likhi hai kabhi?

Mummy Baweja: Oye there’s a first time for everything ji, picture banane mein kitna time lagta hai ji, special effects-veefects daal denge, foreign locations mein shoot karenge aur lo ho gayi picture. Baaki Baweja bhi bekaar baithen hai , unko bhi kaam pe laga detain hai it will be a ‘Family’ production ji.

Baby Baweja: Yay!!! Meri bhi picture banegi, Mummy tussi great ho!! I don’t need talent, I have dad’s money.


This was a totally fictionalized account of what might have transpired behind closed doors resulting in the making of an uber-dud like Love Story 2050. We shall never know the truth & never be able to truly understand the psyche of all those who gave the go ahead for this travesty of a film.

The movie was supposed to be the launch pad for Harman Baweja, for which his father & rest of the Baweja clan left no stone unturned in trying to prop up this movie by stuffing it with ten year old effects which weren’t so special anymore, making sure Harman danced, acted, dressed & even looked like a clone of Hrithik Roshan, even the story had more than it’s share of similarities with Hrithik’s debut film Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai but they did forget they needed to write an actual story and not a three hour long tourism guide & product placement commercial.

The story if can call it that goes something like this, Karan (Harman Baweja) is neglected by his father (Dalip Tahil) who’s always busy at work so in retaliation goes and wrecks his father’s new car, in reality however he’s just a spoilt brat who at the age of twenty three still has the I.Q. of Dennis the menace. Soon enough boy meets girl, Sana (Priyanka Chopra) , falls in love with her & stalks her & blackmails her (in a bollywood-ish acceptable manner, playfully you know…hehehe) until she agrees to go out with him. Things move towards marriage, a mad-cap scientist uncle (Boman Irani), girl’s very Punjabi mum (Archana Puran Singh)  & two irritating kids get thrown into the mix till Sana dies in an accident & that’s when the 2050 part of the title kicks in. Mad scientist uncle has been working on a time machine & he also has an avid interest in astrology & spiritualism such that he strongly believes in rebirth. Both Karan & he believe that since Sana died “before her time” (young) she would have been reborn looking exactly the same in the future. Thus they travel into the future along with the two irritating kids & have thirty days to convince Sana who’s reborn as pop star Zeisha there to return with them to 2008. Personally I would have loved it if some one would have just knocked her unconscious and taken her back & spared me rest of the film. For some more fun Darth Vader’s poor cousin is thrown in as a villain who’s also another mad-cap scientist who runs his organization like the Nazi party & mumbles so much that I’m sure it must have been Gulshan Grover.

The story has plot holes large enough to fit a blue whale through. But you can figure that out for yourself. Even if I somehow overlook the first half and pass it off as usual bollywood drivel then there is no way I can ever forgive the horrendous second half which unabashedly copies poorly from possibly every sci-fi movie made in Hollywood. The basic machine & mad uncle’s room design is copied from The Time Machine (2002). Buildings and hoarding screens around the city are replicas from Blade Runner (1982) & The Island (2005). There is an entire scene set in a robot-recycle centre picked up from I, Robot (2004) which in spite of being a nearly four year old movie runs circles around the effects & set design Love Story 2050. Flying cars copied from the Fifth Element (1997) and still manage to look more fake compared to a movie more than ten years old, action sequences from the terrible Ultraviolet (2006) which had bad fights itself but in comparison to this dud it seems like the Matrix, Light sabers which looked cool in the Star Wars films are replaced with tube lights here. The little teddy bear from A.I.: Artificial Intelligence (2001) is replicated here as a creepy little pink bear who likes getting kicked in the backside. The entire last chase sequence is a mixture of similar scenes from The Island (2005) & The Fifth Element (1997). Even the background score in parts is ripped off directly from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (2005).


There are enough product placements to guarantee that you will never miss watching television while watching the movie. Everything from CEAT Tires to XBOX 360 to Sun Micro Systems to Lawman Jeans is thrown right in your face (I was even half expecting a futuristic Bandar-Chaap Dantmanjan/tooth paste ad) as if as soon as you leave the theatre you are going to be dying to buy all this stuff. Microsoft even let them rip off a scene from The Island (2005) for product placement.

The future shown is more superficial than real, every little gizmo on display is only an effort by the filmmakers to cram the movie with as many “cute-awe-wow” moments which don’t serve any purpose in the movie.  

If the movie hasn’t insulted your intelligence enough then the lines throughout are priceless. In guise of thinking the audience is stupid they try & explain every little thing down to what is a time machine? (yeah, I had no idea that you travel through time using that, always thought of the wall clock when I heard the phrase. Thank you Love Story 2050). However the dialogue, that really takes the cake, is this little gem uttered by Boman Irani; “Kaun hai? Jisne tere dil ka hard-disk format karke apne naam ka virus bhar diya hai” , if this isn’t Pulitzer prize worthy writing, I don’t know what is.
      
Harman acts like Hrithik Roshan when trying to be cool & acts like Shahrukh Khan when trying to be all emotional & can’t do justice to either one. I have to say the guy can dance but dancing doesn’t equate to acting so he has a long way to go but he doesn’t have to worry as long as daddy dearest is around to keep on launching & re-launching him. Priyanka Chopra seems more worried about her red hair in the second half & plain & clueless in the first. Boman Irani is a scientist in a Bollywood movie so he has to wear a wig & look like Einstein. Archana Puran Singh does yet again her cool Punjabi mom routine & her overacting really got on my nerves in spite of her role being brief.

Right from the acting to the direction to the story everything is an absolute waste. If you feel like a death wish coming upon you then go and watch this disaster of biblical proportions. I wish like pulling off a “Back to the Future” and going back to stop this movie from ever being made.  


Final Verdict: Transport yourself to 2050 at your own risk.

Grade: F

 

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