I Hate Lame Stories

Grade: D

I Hate Luv Storys

Indian Release Date: 02/07/10
CBFC Classification:  U/A
Running Length: 2 Hours 10 Minutes

Cast: Imran Khan, Sonam A Kapoor, Sameer Dattani, Sameer Soni, Ketaki Dave, Aamir Ali, Anju Mahendroo, Bruna Abdulla   
Director: Punit Malhotra
Screenplay: Punit Malhotra
Cinematography: Ayananka Bose
Music: Vishal Dadlani & Shekhar Ravjiani

The grammatically challenged title is not the only thing horribly wrong with Dharma Productions latest romantic-comedy, ‘I Hate LUV Storys’.

Jay (Imran Khan) works as an assistant to director Veer Kapoor (Sameer Soni), who specializes in creating “love sagas” (as Veer himself puts it). Jay is a compulsive skirt-chaser & despises the idea of commitment & love; especially a bubblegum fantasy world filled with mills & boons novels, heart-shaped balloons, flowers & candle-lit dinners that movies or books propagate. Simran (Sonam A Kapoor) is on the other end of the spectrum, she adores everything that Jay hates about love. She lives her life by believing in all the fairy tales about everlasting love & the perfect man; these beliefs define her relationship with her childhood sweetheart Raj (Sameer Dattani) too. Now by the rules of “love” what happens with opposites? They attract! No prizes for guessing that. Jay & Simran begin working on a project together for Veer Kapoor & slowly get to being great friends, until Simran falls in love with him. But when she tells Jay of her feelings he makes it abundantly clear that he sees them as only good friends, nothing more.

Simran takes the rejection to heart & resumes her relationship with Raj; she also breaks off all personal & professional contact with Jay & this leads to an awkward feeling that starts to eat away at them both from the inside. Jay starts to miss Simran & realizes that he might be in love, the one thing he hates the most. So will this love story have a happy ending? If you can’t guess this, you might as well roll over & die.

The movie tries to be a full-fledged romantic comedy. Its comedy rests on mostly poking fun at all those Dharma & YashRaj productions that have sprouted like weed since DDLJ (Right from ‘Dil Toh Pagal Hai’ to ‘Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi’). The oft-repeated ‘homophobic’ jokes make their appearance yet again. The romantic part is the more interesting part, not because it’s good, but because it’s such a mess. Debutant director Punit Malhotra tries to display an understanding of love but his superficial approach makes similarly themed movies like the disappointing ‘Love Aaj-Kal’ & the overrated ‘Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na’ seem like ‘Casablanca’ & ‘Gone With the Wind’ respectively.

I know the intention isn’t serious or even different so maybe the unintelligent & unsatisfactory writing is pardonable. Then what’s left? Some “magical” moments maybe, some moments that just give you are reason to have a  goofy grin on your face, or maybe something to make you cry or laugh, or some unabashedly cheesy romantic scene that would make you blush for having liked it; no such luck here my friend. Everything here has been done a million times before & done better a million times before. The only reason you’d even be affected by something purely emotional is because you care about the characters, you care about their relationship; unfortunately neither the actors, nor the script gives us anything to care about. Just because you show two good looking people frolicking about in your visuals to some song doesn’t make them any more or less likeable, nor does it give a compelling reason for them to like each other or fall in love. Neither the relationship nor the characters have any gravitas & the pointless voiceovers do nothing to improve this situation either.

The story feels like it was slave to absolute plot-points long before the script was even written. Thus beyond a few obligatory characteristics we know nothing of these people & honestly without that I would find it difficult to believe that someone as poles apart would fall for each other (If you want to give me that love is blind bit, then atleast give me a reason for the attraction). Yes, I know you miss people with whom you have been close to & you form close bonds with people you work with, but do you go out fall in love with everyone of them too, at the drop of a hat, just cause you spent some time with them especially when you are very committed yourself? Honestly Simran’s character does feel like a wannabe-idiot now that I think about it.

The movie is overflowing with songs (I counted nearly half-a-dozen with a few more thrown about in bits) that only pad up the movie’s running length every few minutes. None are memorable nor have they been memorably shot. Most of the technical aspects of the movie are competent enough like any other movie these days.

The chemistry the leads can display inspite of poor script, can at times rescue a sinking romantic movie. While the two look pretty together, they do not even come close to generating any real sparks or radiating any real vibe. Imran Khan nearly manages to pull off the selfish guy to a likeable guy transformation, which is surprising, considering his last two acting outings (Luck & Kidnap) had given me the impression that he doesn’t have an iota of acting talent in him; his impulsiveness & likability in a few humorous scenes works, which is one of the few positives of the movie. The problem lies with Sonam A Kapoor (Notice the ‘A’ in the name now, guess dad could offer more than just a pen to shape her future) who after two good acting outings (Saawariya & Delhi-6) does a complete turn around & gives a purely cosmetic performance. Watching her earlier work I had placed her away from the Barbie-doll brigade of Bollywood as someone who had spark & spunk to go far, but all she chooses to do in the movie is to flash her pearly whites or make a sad face at the drop of a hat; that might work for selling mobiles but surely is not going to work on the big screen. Sameer Dattani looks confused, Ketaki Dave & Anju Mahendroo play the usual Hindi movie mothers; Sameer Soni hams it up but gets a funny line or two. The one scene-stealer is Kaven Dave as Jay’s graph-obsessed friend. Brazilian model Bruna Abdulla should be denied a return Visa so that we do not have to endure any more of these atrocious performances.

Honestly I was expecting a straightforward, unpretentious, romantic-comedy which would provide me with about two hours of light-hearted entertainment. What I got instead was one of the world’s strongest sleeping pills.

Final Verdict: I Hate Lame Stories

Grade: D

 

- Reviewed by Danish Bagdadi

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